change
October 23, 2012 Redux in 2016
Oct. 23 ~ Civility allows for change to happen. #civility
What do I mean? Am I saying that no one should be challenged for ever-shifting stances on issues? Am I saying that inconsistency is a virtue? No, I’m not trying to say either of those things.
We’ve all seen a candidate in a debate, or a in political advertisement, painted a certain way or pigeonholed for comments or stances taken years before which may have changed in the course of a decade or more years of experience We’ve all heard the accusations of hypocrisy the moment someone changes their mind. Civility will ask us to rethink our knee-jerk reactions to those shifts in people’s thoughts and conclusions.
I mean really, have none of us moved from more conservative to liberal or more liberal to conservative views in our religious beliefs or political ideas? Have we not experienced our own selves adapt, change and subtly shift through the years in various ways? Have any of us learned or experienced something that changed our way of thinking? It’s uncivil to brand that in another person as inherently hypocritical or inauthentic.
Civility allows for change. Civility is not a closed, predetermined response to someone, but it allows for some growth, some adaptation and the cumulative effect of years of discourse and experience.
Shaping the Day
Let’s chat about intention for a few minutes. Yes, there are days that drive us, and days that we need to leave open and easy for some sabbath rest… but I’m a believer that we need to be shaping our days with reflection and intention.
There’s nothing new in that opening statement. And there’s probably nothing terribly new in the following words, as we all know that “there’s nothing new under the sun.” Still, as I start today with some reflection and intention I find myself with the blogging itch, so I’d like to share with you one of the ways I begin many of my days.
A couple of years ago I preached a message series at Church in Bethesda on seven practices that help facilitate transformation in our lives. The idea sounds terribly deep, but it’s actually a simple idea that there are things upon which we can focus thought and action that will affect the kind of positive change in life we desire. If you’re completely content and never want a single thing to change, then I don’t recommend this exercise.
The seven practices are repentance, prayer, stillness, study, sharing, service and ritual. Within the seven practices I tried to imagine the corresponding values or virtues they cultivate in life, things like integrity, vision, strength, wisdom, maturity, love and action.
In any given morning I take some time to pray and then think about the last few days and the coming day. How’s it been going? What have I not liked about my days? What has not gone as right as I would have liked? What can be better? What has been good? What do I want to keep going? I will often use my list of practices as well as the list of values to see if I am led to choose one or two of them to make some micro goals for the day.
As an example, I might be feeling a distinct lack of vision one day or come to realize that I am not really sharing with others as I ought. Maybe I’ve been frustrated and allowed myself to ignore some important needs in my life or my family, or I’m acting defensively over a hurt or a perceived hurt. Maybe I’ve slipped into being overly critical of others and not as supportive as I should be? Once I have a couple things I have identified for my focus, then I pray a little more and think of concrete action to take that day to address the needs in life I have identified.
So, below is the way that I list the practices, their corresponding values and under each a brief list of things I associate with each of them. Any given day I will reflect and choose one or two of the practices or the values, and make a goal or two for the day…
What do my micro goals look like? Let’s say I choose to zero in on ritual and wisdom. Upon reflection I have identified that I’m feeling but disconnected from daily prayer exercises; prayer has become a bit hit or miss for me. And I have thought that I’m needing to brush up on some deeper study on an issue that is giving me trouble. I’ll need to set some goals for the day so I don’t let another bunch of daylight hours slip away. I’ll make the following goals: 1) I want to be involved in the ritual of prayer more, so I’m going to set reminders on my phone to stop me at noon, 5pm and at 10pm to pray with Psalm 116, and 2) I’m going to cruise Amazon for a good book on the passage or theme I’m struggling with and borrow it with my Prime membership, before dinner. Your goals might be simpler or more involved, but should reflect your way of doing life.
One concrete goal I have made several times as I prepped for work at my Apple Store is to focus on sharing by really emphasizing a clear and sincere welcome/greeting for every person I meet that day, whether at work or out of work, whether another employee or a customer at the store. Good greetings involve things like a smile, eye contact and sincerely expressing “I’m glad you’re here.” One important thing to convey, though in presence and spirit and less in exact words would be “you’re safe with me.” =) You know when you’re nailing that one because you’re interactions suddenly get deeper and more transformational.
Now, I’m no guru, professor or Saint. This list is simply a way I organize some thoughts on my daily life and the change I want to experience and become in this world. I invite you to improve the list. Make it your own. Pray and play with it, and leave it better for having been sifted though the matrix of your own life and faith. Make some goals today and be the change, be changed!
AMDG, Todd
Why Campaigns Matter
I have to admit that I have not always been a big campaigner.
I guess I’m missing the activist gene, because it just doesn’t come naturally to me. My genetic code seems heavier with apathy and procrastination. But, you know what? When I stop and pay attention I have to say, campaigns do matter.
We talk a lot about civility here at this blog, and I’m not at all apathetic about our need for civil discourse. As a person of faith I am convinced that our kindness, our gentleness and our support of all people’s value and dignity are at the core of being who God has made us to be, in both our words and our actions. Campaigns often help bring important things into focus and remind us of how we are to do life, how we are to do life well.
Someone just today on my Facebook feed shared something from the campaign to get us to stop using the word “retarded” as a humiliating insult or degradation of someone or something. I agree and I shared it along. I hate the word. It sounds and feels like a hit from a baseball bat. We need to do the same with the word “gay,” just like we need to stop using “hit like a girl” and various male and female genitalia as descriptions of negative and inadequate human attributes or behaviors.
Why does it matter? Isn’t this just all “political correctness” gone too far? I’m really done with the idea that we can use speech to offend, hurt and degrade, and then cry “political correctness” when we are held accountable for the destructive qualities of our verbal choices. I’ll tell you why the words we use matter:
1) Words have meaning, history and power. We cannot simply use a hurtful word and claim innocence by the fact that we have decided what it means for ourselves regardless of the word’s meaning and influence in the lives of other people. Retarded is a great example. The word has been used to degrade, hurt and humiliate people for years. It has, as many words do, both denotation and connotation. We do not have the right to ignore it’s negative impact on people around us.
2) We cannot use a word as an insult without insulting that to which the word refers. “That’s so gay” is an insult to gay people. “Hit like a girl” is an insult to girls, not a scientific measurement or expression of applied force. Using phrases like “He’s a real douche” or “Don’t be a dick” attaches negative meaning to things which are not in themselves negative. Feminine hygiene and male genitalia are not bad things. Our thoughtless words and actions can lead us to unintended consequences of meaning and perpetuation of hurtful meanings.
3) We have an obligation to listen and care. When our neighbors are injured by our words and/or actions, we have an obligation to care. There is no healthy philosophical, religious or spiritual system which separates one person’s well being from the well being of the world and people around her/him. We are connected. We should care.
Also…
- Joining a campaign doesn’t fix the problem. We don’t signal our participation with an anti-bullying campaign believing that to be the solution to bullying. What we hope is that within the sphere our friends and family we might increase the conversation and awareness of a problem, and thus we would hope to participate in concrete steps toward a solution.
- Joining a campaign does mean you’re thinking about something. Thinking is a good thing.
- Joining a campaign does mean you’re listening. Listening is polite.
- Joining a campaign does encourage campaign creators. That’s just neighborly.
Here are a few campaigns I’ve valued over the years and in recent months. I was excited to have had a chance to run in a local ONE Campaign 5k earlier this year and I just got my “It’s On Us” t-shirt a few weeks back. I believe that these kinds of campaigns are hopeful and reflect a lot of positive thinking and action in our world. I just might be becoming an activist…
Spread the Word to End the Word (retarded)
It’s On Us (combatting sexual violence)
He For She (solidarity for gender equality)
Hollaback! (you know, stopping street harassment)
I Choose (anti-bullying)
Human Rights Campaign (civil rights and equality)
The ONE Campaign (ending poverty)
Let’s keep it real. Endorse and support the campaigns you believe in, and let’s make the world a better, shinier, happier place for having supported us through the years of our lives.
AMDG, Todd
toddthomas.net 