October 26, 2012 Redux in 2016
Oct. 26 ~ Civility includes mastery of the basic courtesies: please, thank you, you’re welcome. #civility
Indeed, simple courtesies are the building blocks of civil discourse. These small habits engender a sense of dignity to a conversation and display an intrinsic respect for the other participants.
Want to build personal credibility? Be thankful and gracious when you speak to people. Even in moments of disagreement being courteous allows the discourse solid traction to keep moving forward.
Somewhere along the way someone started acting like “being right” completely overshadowed “acting right” or “speaking right.” The idea caught on, and a win at all costs attitude developed in our manner of discourse and disagreement that leaves no room for courtesies. It looks and acts something like this: “If I am right, then you are wrong, and therefore you are not deserving of my courtesies, and I am not obligated to be courteous, especially if my good manners might steal some of the impact of my superior ideas.” Sound like anyone on the radio you’ve heard recently? I’ve heard that attitude spoken on both sides of the aisle, right and left!
A Presbyterian friend of mine once made a self-deprecating joke about his denomination’s tendency to be slow to adopt changes and fast to assemble committees for long and multiple meetings, he said, “We Presbyterians are the ones who can miss an opportunity to do right because we’re so focussed on doing it right.“ I get what he’s saying, and I can chuckle with him at the joke, but I also have to give some grudging respect to the attitude of doing things well.
October 25, 2012 Redux in 2016
Oct. 25 ~ Civility is your body language as well as your words. #civility
Shaken fists, scowling, narrowed eyes, pointing fingers… all these work to lower the civility of our discourse. We can often be forgiven the more subtle things like folded arms and blank stares, but the very aggressive stuff needs to be curbed if we want to raise the level of our civility.
Some people think civility is the same as “tact,” or worse, it’s “not saying” what needs to be said. Civility is not only saying what needs to be said and as it needs to be said, but also includes the total package of our presentation. Uncivil body language can end our discourse as fast as name calling or shrill yelling.
October 24, 2012 Redux in 2016
Oct. 24 ~ Civility builds a person’s integrity one word at a time. #civility
There are no shortcuts. There are no substitutes. We can choose to be a person known for our anger, our insults, our number of wins, our caustic attitude, or our superiority… but none of that replaces integrity.
Integrity is that essence of personhood that brings people to you when they have questions. It brings people to you when they need to say something. It brings people to you when they need to be heard.
Integrity is that honesty that enables people to listen to you with openness, and the fairness that allows you to hear dissenting positions. Civility creates integrity. Integrity creates trust. Trust creates friendships. Friendships create the most wholesome and transforming dialogue. Bank on it!
October 23, 2012 Redux in 2016
Oct. 23 ~ Civility allows for change to happen. #civility
What do I mean? Am I saying that no one should be challenged for ever-shifting stances on issues? Am I saying that inconsistency is a virtue? No, I’m not trying to say either of those things.
We’ve all seen a candidate in a debate, or a in political advertisement, painted a certain way or pigeonholed for comments or stances taken years before which may have changed in the course of a decade or more years of experience We’ve all heard the accusations of hypocrisy the moment someone changes their mind. Civility will ask us to rethink our knee-jerk reactions to those shifts in people’s thoughts and conclusions.
I mean really, have none of us moved from more conservative to liberal or more liberal to conservative views in our religious beliefs or political ideas? Have we not experienced our own selves adapt, change and subtly shift through the years in various ways? Have any of us learned or experienced something that changed our way of thinking? It’s uncivil to brand that in another person as inherently hypocritical or inauthentic.
Civility allows for change. Civility is not a closed, predetermined response to someone, but it allows for some growth, some adaptation and the cumulative effect of years of discourse and experience.
October 22, 2012 Redux in 2016
Oct. 22 ~ Civility is humility on parade! #civility
Because humility, like civility, is one of those strengths that never gets old, never fails you, never goes wrong! When we showcase civility we are letting humility put on it’s “Sunday best” and strut down the street with a marching band!
October 21, 2012 Redux in 2016
Oct. 21 ~ Civility, like any good habit or reflex, requires practice. Start small, work your way up. Don’t give up. #civility
Civility is not just for disagreements, but it can shape all our discourse, from simple thank you‘s to a courteous please. Civility can be cultivated and grown, nursed and shaped into reflex and habit. It’s a daily commitment with long-term dividends.
I Appreciate Your Prayers
I’m going to be going off-line for a bit starting this evening as I begin a discernment retreat with the Episcopal Diocese of Washington. I would appreciate your prayers over the next 24 hours or so, prayers for God’s Spirit to open all our hearts and minds.
It really is an exercise of discernment, not a job interview. I’m not asking for you to pray for any outcome other than God’s will and a gracious gift of the Spirit’s presence. We are going to be praying and visioning about an important question: “Am I called to serve the Episcopal Diocese of Washington as an ordained priest of God?”
I’ve been in a discernment process with the diocese officially since the beginning of this year, but have been praying and dreaming with friends and a few people in the diocese for a couple of years. If the answer we discern from our time together is yes, then I will have some work to do to get ready for this new chapter of ministry. I’m excited about the prospect and I desire to serve this diocese as a priest, but I am resigned to the answer we discern together.
Older prayer books talk about resignation, and I am familiar with it from years of studying, reflection and prayer with my Jesuit spiritual friend, and lately departed, Fr Leo Murray. Fr Murray taught me the Ignatian way of resignation: I will commit myself to God, I will fully give myself to the vision of ministry to which I believe that God has called me, and I will be faithful and true in all things within my control… but, for those things not in my control and not for me to choose, I will resign myself to God’s grace. That’s my paraphrase. Newer prayer books seem awfully preoccupied with achieving some specific end from prayer. Practicing this idea of resignation has allowed me so much joy in this journey, and it will carry me through any twist and turn that is coming, for God is good.
I’ll close now with a prayer used by Jesuits at the beginning of meetings and events…
“O Spirit of God, we ask you to help orient
all our actions by your inspirations,
carry them on by your gracious assistance,
that every prayer and work of ours
may always begin from you
and through you be happily ended.”
And amen.
Thanks for praying along with us!
AMDG, Todd
October 20, 2012 Redux in 2016
Oct 20 ~ Civility is a gift, not as in an “ability,” but as in something shared with your neighbor. #civility
Honestly, this is more a prayer or a mantra for me, and less a snappy quote. Civility has to be owned, modeled and used to really bring the greatest impact to our dialogue. Enough with vilifications and assumptions about our neighbors. Weigh the content of a person’s words and actions and respond to those things.
Don’t let dialogue become a personal attack. Don’t let conversations become a contest of assigning other people bad intentions or alterior motives. Listen well, reflect on the content, and respond of you feel you need to add something to the move the conversation along.
October 19, 2012 Redux in 2016
Oct. 19 ~ Quote: “Teaching civility is an obligation of the family.” – Stephen Carter #civility
This is really true. Parents, your kids are listening! They will say what you say, and will speak like you speak. Do they hear you ridiculing people? Do they hear you tearing people down to stand a little taller? We carry the burden of making sure we model what they most need from us.
As with so many things, if we make civility a hallmark of our families, society will be changed in amazing ways. Generations to come should be able to look back and thank us for setting a better course for our national and community discourse!
October 18, 2012 Redux in 2016
*I almost skipped this entry from four years ago. I do still believe that civility allows for some good natured humor, but there’s not much funny today when we hear Donald Trump’s careless rhetoric and words, either about rigged elections or women. Maybe this is a needed reminder of how these elections and candidacies should be going. Who would have thought that four years ago would seem so tame and be remembered so fondly. Weird, huh?
Oct. 18 ~ Civility does allow for humor, just be wise & fair, and use some whimsy! #civility
Of course civility allows for some humor, just keep it fair and whimsical, and be wise. The most current, gut-busting example is the MEME activity with Governor Romney’s statement about having “binders full of women.”
And the funniest of the MEME’s to me don’t even have his picture in them, but instead have President Clinton making some funny face or even Boromir. I’m cracking up over these things! Here are my three favorites, none of which show Governor Romney…
…and my all time fav below…
Do some of the MEME’s out there cross the line of civility? Yes indeed. Some are mean spirited ones and some are simply misrepresenting the comment. Was it a poor choice of words? Sure thing. Was it funny? Heck yeah!
I don’t believe that it’s fair or correct to judge Governor Romney’s views on women by that statement, which was obviously not well thought out. We just need to be able to laugh sometimes and let things be humorous. Just stick with the whimsy and leave the meanness out!
toddthomas.net 