I Don’t Wanna
I don’t wanna be grown up, today. I don’t wanna work. I don’t wanna clock in. I don’t wanna face anyone and have anything expected of me.
When did you last have a day when you just didn’t wanna?
This is one of those days for me. Everything tastes wrong, even at Starbucks. Everyone looks a bit threatening, if not needy. I don’t feel good, or feel good about myself. Coffee is not getting me fired up and I think I’ve gained a couple of pounds (probably from the comfort of several recently enjoyed dipped cones at Dairy Queen).
So, I’m gonna take a deep breath, own my humanity with all it’s fragility, fatigue and needs… and I’ll get the day started, even if I’m getting started a little late. It’s what we do. It’s what we need to do. Thank God I don’t do it all on my own.
Days like this are the days I feel least compelled to pray. Weird. It’s sort of like the times I don’t take any pain reliever as I wait to see if my headache will go away on it’s own. Most days I’m not sure if I’m just lazy, stubborn or stupid. What I do know is that I have a God who listens when I’m not praying, and a Spirit that fills in the gaps, even when I’m not paying attention.
And now, before I must go punch the clock, sitting here with my less flavorful coffee, I’m going to pray. I pulled my trusty Book of Common Prayer from my bag for a little inspiration, and God provided…
24. For Vocation in Daily Work
Almighty God our heavenly Father, you declare your glory
and show forth your handiwork in the heavens and in the
earth: Deliver us in our various occupations from the service
of self alone, that we may do the work you give us to do in
truth and beauty and for the common good; for the sake of
him who came among us as one who serves, your Son Jesus
Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy
Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.From the Collects, Contemporary BCP pg. 261
This will be my prayer, today. “Beauty for the common good” will be my mantra. I’m going to turn my energies from an inward self-absorbed pity fest and big bottle of whine, outward to those around me who will be blessed by my struggling to live such a prayer of beauty, gratitude, service and deliverance.
If I meet you along the path somewhere today, I hope I’m still praying.
AMDG, Todd
toddthomas.net 